It's all been very difficult since I had the op. Even the smallest thing is painful. I know it is going to get better and will be a lot easier but at the moment it HURTS!!!

Today I am going to have my stitches out. I was going to Bushey this time. I took along my MRI scans as I have STILL not heard the results. It's OK for the secretary to say "it seems OK" but I would like to hear it from the expert really. After all that is why he is a surgeon and bone tumour clever clogs! (Meant in the best possible way in case you're reading this Mr B!).

So I was called in - only to find I'm sitting in another chair and still waiting, just around the corner! It's all very nice and so much better than other clinics I've been to. I was then called in to see Mr B.......gulp!

I admit to not looking forward to this. I'd taken the bandage off before and seen the stitches and they didn't look too pleasant to me. Still I'm no expert. I mentioned my fingers were going black in places and he said "they're going to fall off". Quite calm when he said it too.... it is in fact bruising. Even now over two weeks later I still have the bruising.

I asked about the MRI and he then looked at the scans. I have NO lymphoma in my spine but there is wear and tear in the spine. I'm not old by any means but it makes me feel old. He said I was a lovely patient which was good to hear.

He examined my hand and then pushed my fingers one by one in and boy did that hurt. He opened them again and then closed them. "How does that feel?" he says. "I've still got my right hand!" says I. "I was a rugby player so it doesn't bother me!". Oh well, no joy there then. LOL.

He then said "some patients you remember well and others you don't. You..." he said looking at me "are top of my list!". I thought he said I was lovely a moment ago. "I did, you are a fantastic patient and that's why". At least someone will remember me!

He then said I'd go to the nurse and have my stitches out. I asked if I could take photos and he smiled. So after a discussion about a few other things I won't go into here off I toddled to the nurse.

They were busy and I had to wait. My turn came and off I went. I asked if I could take photos and she said yes, but not her face which is fine by me - I only want my hand!!! She said his stitches were tight and she'd have to get something else to cut them. It hurt a bit taking a couple out but the rest were fine. I got some good shots and will upload them on the new "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome" page for you soon!!

This time, it's not Mr B I'm seeing but Fred Street. He is the physio in The Clinic and I'm seeing him about my hand. It's really difficult trying to get there with it being in town and also not many people can help me with that. Still I may only have a couple of physio sessions so it won't matter too much.

He chatted about the treatment I'd had so far and said Tim was a good surgeon (again if you're reading this, don't let it go to your head too much!). Honestly - I think you're great though!

I had some hot therapy which was lovely. Hand wrapped in a towel and put in this machine and gently heated. Then it was ice cold treatment, not so nice but it seemed to ease it a bit. Fred talked about his days as the physio for Arsenal and England that he had treated Beckham, Adams, Moore, Charlton, Giggs....all of them really in the teams. Quite a famous group of players who had been on the same couch as me! My claim to fame.

Then it was on the laser treatment which was unusual. It is supposed to be better than ultrasound. I had to wear trendy dark glasses for that. Then some manipulation. It eased it a lot and it felt better afterwards. I could move the fingers more anyway. He also told me of some exercises I could do to help it. Which reminds me, I've got to do some in a minute. I had to go on the bus to the bank this morning. I could do with robbing one or winning the lottery. Never felt so poor or old in my life before :-((((

I've got a couple of new bandages to wear on the hand. I take them off at night though. It feels tighter though so I may need another session but it will have to be local. For one, it is more expensive there than anywhere else, and two I can't get there easily.

Oh yes, I emailed the London Transport website to find out about using the tube and if there are lifts in any of them (escalators and me don't mix anymore). I'm still waiting to hear...... the congestion charge website is quick to reply but they aren't.

I've been getting hassle from several places at the moment. People just don't seem to care anymore and sad to say, it is getting worse. The odd few who do really do stand out now don't they.

At long last I have been referred to the Beacon Centre. By going to the Middlesex Hospital for all my chemo and radiotherapy and other treatment I missed out totally on the support that I really SHOULD have had from the beginning. People telling you "oh you're coping with it well" sounds OK, but doesn't really help when you have had a cancer diagnosis.

Of course, it makes you feel good, but what happens when you are sitting alone or lying in bed and crying your eyes out but not knowing why? Well after speaking to Maggie at UCH I now understand more and realise that support and help is required. Don't worry I'm not falling to pieces but just need to sort a few things out you know. I think all my Monkey Friends (sorry but it's easier to call you all that!) know what I mean, but others probably don't. No one can understand who has not gone through something like this, no matter how much they try.

Anyway the Centre is a gorgeous place full of wonderful people who understand and try to make our lives that little bit easier to cope with. I've started Art Therapy and also Relaxation - I didn't know how good this really is and when we THINK we are relaxed we aren't really if this is what it is supposed to be like.

I have a wonderful driver - Don - who collects and brings me back. There are some brilliant volunteers there and they desperately need funds, so please think of them if you'd like to help - if you want to pass on some money I'll take it in for you!

I thought it might be too late, but was told that I can use the service whenever I like and it's from diagnosis for as long as you need it, but it's not a long term thing. This is what we desperately need in our area too.

Realisation has now also dawned that I do need this place and it is helping me with a lot of things I hadn't even thought of. I can't recommend it highly enough.

More physio, but in a local place this time. This was the lady I saw at the very beginning who treated my bad leg with physio and then referred me to Mr Newman. Obviously it wasn't anything they could solve, as it was cancer - my Primary Bone Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma!

I mentioned my back problems and she also did some mobilisation on the back and it really helped me. It's a shame my insurance runs out and it will finish. If I try to get on the NHS I will have to go to the back of the queue.

So how is the hand you're all asking? Well it's a lot better. I can move my fingers a lot easier, but the wrist movement is definitely lacking. I hope it will come back with time. More exercises to do.....

This was a real last minute thing and I totally enjoyed myself at it. A four day conference at the University of Manchester. Although it didn't start too well, an 11 hour car journey ending well past midnight. We won't go over the journey - I just want to forget it!

The actual conference was good, although the timings were out after the voting session. Nothing major and it didn't spoil anything for me. All of the ladies in the dining room were brilliant and helped me by carrying my tray for me and made sure I got a seat - it made my life so much easier knowing I didn't have to struggle doing things. It's not easy with no hands to use believe me!

I picked up loads of info around the Conference. It had a whole room devoted to all cancer charities and information given out which I've still got some to read about. I also purchased a couple of things from one of the stands, the bag has gone AWOL at the moment, but it is being returned soon.

I went on a few Workshops, all thoroughly enjoyable and I didn't realise I could paint watercolours! I had a fantastic time there and although was a bit worried it looked nothing like the lecturers, in the end it all worked out fine and is now framed and waiting to go on the wall. I'm now going to see about getting some paints and giving it a go. I saw a book a while ago and didn't get it at the time as I didn't think I could do it, now I know different don't I!!!

We also had a Champagne Gala Dinner (no champagne for me though - see how good I was!!) at Manchester United Football Ground. A tour first, they even had lifts which was great for me and a couple of others who can't do escalators anymore! At least I wasn't on my own. I had my photo taken with the FA Cup too! We weren't allowed to touch it - a bit difficult with a crutch in one hand and a glass of orange in the other anyway.

I sat at a table with some people I'd met the previous day over breakfast. We had a reet good laff (yes, that's my Yorkshire accent - I hope!). So many laughs were had around the table that night. Specially when the "b****y teapot" was mentioned. Lynne, Mary and Marjorie will know what this means! LOL!!!

Then it was the last dance on the floor (for those who could dance, unlike me who has trouble even walking!). We then had to make our way downstairs and on to the coaches to take us back to the University. I was sad it was the last day, specially when we would be leaving early tomorrow and missing some of the last days events. Still I'd enjoyed the time I was there and can't wait till the next one.

On the bus home, we had a really good sing song and the residents of Manchester certainly heard us and we had a few funny looks. How about that for someone who was stone cold sober amongst a bus full of others who weren't!

Of course, when I got home I was totally whacked out. Then I found out some bad news. Whilst I was away John had been taken into hospital via a 999 call and am ambulance. They thought he had acute appendicitis. It actually turned out to be kidney stones. Although he had my total sympathy (I remember my gallstones only TOO well!) I thought it was my turn to get my own back. Specially when he mentioned about not being able to sleep, people snoring, noises all night long from the night staff, being woken early and late for tablets. I was in hospital for NINE weeks, so imagine how hard that was.....!!!!

I remember it so well and have the scars that make my body look like a relief map, along with the Hickman Line scars too that didn't work. I really have been through the mill, and at the moment it's still one thing after another. I really do like my diary, and hope I don't bore you all with it, but find it helps me to write it down. It also can be re-read when my memory doesn't work and is so handy for scan dates and tests etc which they seem to ask me lots of times.

Anyway, I'm now looking forward to the next one of these and would just like to say a BIG THANKYOU to everyone who helped organise it, and specially to Ben for his help with the buggy and just being an all round nice guy!! Fanfares of trumpets and applause to you all for everything!!